Who's to blame?

In an interesting turn of events, I just got evicted from a group. Context:

In an alternate life, I'm a bear tonk. I have enough armor/defense/hp to tank heroics. Just about. I'm still in blues and greens, but that's good enough, as you start getting epics in heroics.

The others in my group were all Tier 5+. This means they're a full two sets of gear above the gear I'm at. So on the first pull, chain lightnings went flying all over the place, and I lost agro lots. Who gets blamed? I do, for being undergeared.

However: I have nearly the best gear a bear tank can have before starting heroics. I'm missing a couple of group quest rewards (blech), but could survive the damage. The only way for me to improve my gear is to.... run heroics.

Now, if I was on my mage, now happy at over 1000 spell damage in T5+ gear and was grouped with a fresh tank, I'd be using less powerful abilities less of the time. I'd be tempering my damage to the threat available, probably surfing the 30% above the tank's I have to play with. I'd still be doing damage comparable to what's expected for the instance, just less than rushing through it with an awesome group.

Am I the only one who wants to be a group player? Seems everyone just wants to mash their worky buttons with no regard to anyone else.

Also, zomg updates!